


If I could Say What I want to Say

by TeenCaterpillar



Series: Harringrove Snippets [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Blow Jobs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Making Out, Protective Dustin Henderson, Steve Harrington Is a Mess, The Party finds out, misogynistic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 09:30:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20964299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeenCaterpillar/pseuds/TeenCaterpillar
Summary: “WHAT theFUCK?” Came a screech from the doorway.  Billy shot back, stumbling and hitting the wall with a thud.  He snapped his head to the side and there was Dustin.  Who looked like his world had just done a full 180 and maybe kicked him in the balls a few times.  It would be funny if Billy didn’t feel like his heart was about to fucking explode.





	If I could Say What I want to Say

**Author's Note:**

> Yes the title is Avril Lavigne lyrics. Yes I'm apparently still living in 2009.
> 
> This is a kinda continuation from my last Harringrove one-shot, but can also be stand alone. I just needed Dustin freaking out.
> 
> The end is kinda shit and quick and someday I may rewrite it but right now this is it.
> 
> Unbeta'd
> 
> EDIT: I don't fucking know WHY by the site decided to like,, nullify all my italics after a certain point so,, now it's readable again. Sorry to all who saw it without my very specific editing.

Dustin had been watching him for the past hour and Billy couldn’t fucking _take it anymore_. The kid thought he was being sneaky, looking out of the corner of his eye every couple of minutes, but Billy is nothing but hyper aware when he’s around these kids. He and Steve are… They’re what they are. It isn’t defined, not really, because Billy still sweats and feels fear clench at the bottom of his spine anytime he even so much as thinks the word _boyfriend_, but they are _something_. So he’s been spending even more time babysitting than before. And it’s not as bad as he thought it would be. It wasn’t like it was as fun as driving a straight shot with your foot to the floor or winning a particularly good fight, but the kids were fucking weird, and that was entertaining enough. Plus, Steve kissed him more and rougher whenever he helped out, so he told himself that was why he kept babysitting. Not because Will Byers needs looking after and not because El always gives him some of her waffles. It’s not because he’s getting attached to these kids. It’s _not_.

Attached or not, though, Billy wasn’t ready for anyone to know about him and Steve. Steve wasn’t either. At least, he thought so. Steve was new to the whole _‘Oh I like girls and boys?’_ thing, at least the acting on it part, and also grew up in this shit hole town, knowing _exactly_ what the town thought of people like them. So they didn’t say anything. El knew, because she fucking knew everything, and Billy knew Will suspected, but he hadn’t said anything to confirm the kid’s suspicions. After Will’s ‘big reveal,’ the Party had rallied together and gone to the library to do research. Which was fucking embarrassing but also kind of sweet. Will took it in stride, and while he wasn’t going around announcing it, he looked happier and engaged more than he usually did now that he knew, without a doubt, he could trust his friends.

All of this, however, led Billy to this moment. Being scrutinized by Harrington’s curly haired watchdog. Dustin was the only one who still seemed ready for Billy to just change his mind and start swinging. It was fucking irritating. Billy hadn’t even teased them about their nerdy ass movie night this evening, which was _really fucking hard, thanks_, so he didn’t get why the kid was just fucking staring at him. Billy’s fingers twitched and he itched for a cigarette, but he couldn’t smoke in the house. It was warming up now that it was May, but it was also fucking raining, which was the reason for the movie night, and he had his hair _just right_ and was really hoping for at least _some_ making out to happen tonight, so going outside wasn’t an option.

And Dustin was still fucking _watching him_.

“I’m going to the john,” he mumbled, getting varied ‘shh’s from the group. Steve watched him, eyes worried, but Billy shook his head slightly when they made eye contact. He was fine. He lit up in the bathroom, blowing the smoke out the window, because fuck this house, Steve’s parents were never home, but also Steve seemed to take the no smoking somewhat seriously and _fuck_ when did Billy become so nice. Caring about dumb shit like the lingering smell of smoke in the house. He snorted to himself, tossing the butt out the window. When he opened the door, Steve was standing there, arms crossed. He was smiling though, so Billy figured he was okay.

“Really?” Steve asked. Billy shrugged.

“It’s raining,” he replied. Steve waited for more of an answer, but Billy honestly didn’t have one, so he just pushed by and went into the kitchen. He was digging around in the cupboards, looking for more popcorn because the kids were fucking _hogs_, when Steve came up behind him. He settled his chin on Billy’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist. Billy tensed up, eyes darting to the doorway. He could see the light from the living room, just down the hall, and he swallowed. “Harrington--”__

_ __ _

_ __ _

“They’re wrapped up in their movie,” he mumbled into Billy’s ear. Billy shivered at the feeling of his warm breath on the shell of his ear. He could practically hear Harrington smirking. “Said I was gonna make snacks with your help so we’re good.”

“Maybe. If your little attack dog doesn’t come in to make sure I’m not beating you up again.”

“We’ve been through a lot,” Steve murmured, voice tight. “He’s just worried.” Billy shrugged, still tense, but didn’t push Steve away. They shifted together, Billy putting the popcorn in the microwave and maybe pushing the buttons a little harder than need be. Steve’s fingers trailed lazily over his belly, making him tense up and his dick twitch. He let out a shuddery breath, turning his head slightly. Steve was watching him and he leaned in, kissing along Billy’s jaw.

“This is a really bad idea,” Billy said, voice low. He didn’t make Steve stop, because, fuck, this was so much better than _Goonies_. Steve hummed against his skin, kissing behind his ear and then at his neck. Billy turned around in Steve’s arms, gripping his hips and pulling him forward. Steve was smiling, like the cat who got the cream, so Billy leaned forward and sucked on his jaw. Steve’s breath stuttered and he jerked his hips forward as Billy sucked and tongued at his jaw. He pulled back and winced. “Sorry, left a mark.” They had agreed no marks where people could see and _ask questions_, but Billy liked marking up that pretty pale skin. Steve shrugged.

“I’ll say I tripped and hit it or something,” he murmured against Billy’s lips. The microwave started beeping, startling them apart. Steve blew Billy a silent kiss, heading back into the living room. Billy readjusted himself in his pants and considered going out into the chilled rain to cool off, but he didn’t. Instead, he poured the popcorn into a bowl and made his way back to the couch. Steve was wrapped up in the movie once again, so Billy placed the bowl between them so they could share.

After a few minutes, Billy felt eyes boring into the side of his head. He turned and Dustin was just glaring at him. Not even trying to be sneaky. Billy made a face and Dustin made one right back before making an _’I’m watching you’_ motion. Billy honestly had no fucking idea what was going on, and he knew his face reflected that. Dustin looked away, finally, and Billy decided that the kid was just fucking weird as hell.

\-- 

During the break between movies, Billy went to replenish the kids’ popcorn bowl. He tapped on the counter, humming to himself, when there was a pointed cough behind him. He turned and groaned.

“What?” He snapped. Dustin had his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed and Billy was just so fucking _tired_ of this--

“Why did you punch Steve?” He demanded. “And also, fuck you.” Billy looked at him like he had grown two heads.

“We’ve been over this,” he grit out. “I did that because I was in a _bad place_ and we’ve all moved past it. So maybe you should do the same.” It wasn’t really fair of him, but fuck, this was getting annoying.

“I’m not talking about that,” Dustin shot back. “I’m talking about the bruise on his jaw that he didn’t have before getting popcorn but did have after.” Billy wasn’t sure what was funnier. Dustin’s anger at the _bruise_ or the fact that his life was apparently one big joke to whatever deity was up there. He pushed down at the blush threatening to creep onto his cheeks and shook his head.

“Wasn’t me. He had it after I came out of the bathroom,” he lied, “So ask him about it.” He turned, trying to signal that he was very much done with this conversation, but Dustin wasn’t one to get the _fucking_ hint. 

“You sure?” He pressed, stepping closer to Billy in a ballsy act that almost had Billy impressed. Almost. Billy threw up his hands, turning back around.

“Of course I’m fucking sure! I don’t pick fights-- Okay, I do. But I don’t pick _physical_ fights-- Okay, no, I do. Whatever. But I don’t pick them with Steve anymore, so chill the fuck out.” Dustin didn’t seem convinced, but he left, so Billy counted it as a win. He watched the popcorn spin in the microwave for a moment before tearing open the fridge and looking for beer. He couldn’t get stoned with the kids around, so it was time to chug _something_. But the fridge was devoid of beer. Of anything. Billy groaned and slammed it closed. That’s when he noticed Max standing in the doorway, arms crossed and her mouth twisted in a frown.

“Dustin told me you hit Steve,” she said. The _again_ hung in the air between them, unsaid. Billy thunked his head against the fridge. Then he did it again for good measure.

“That fucking little piece of shit,” he muttered. “I didn’t hit Harrington, _fuck_.”

“He has a bruise that he says came from slipping and hitting a post on the stairs, but like, we’re not fucking dumb.” Billy begged to differ.

“I don’t know how to make you little fucks understand that I’m not going to hit Steve,” he grit out, teeth clenched painfully. Max was unimpressed and Billy was getting fucking _annoyed_ now. Close to fucking pissed off. The microwave went off and he yanked the door open, emptying the popcorn into the bowl before shoving it in Max’s hands and passing her by. She yelped, shouting something after him, but he zeroed in on the door to Harrington’s father’s study. The guy had to have something in there. Steve stepped in front of him before he made it to the door. He gave Billy a warning look.

“Dude, no. I removed the beer for a fucking reason.”

“And these fucking shitheads think I hit you, so I deserve a goddamn drink.” Steve groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Dustin.” It wasn’t a question. Steve still didn’t let him pass. “Listen, all we gotta do is get through like, 2 more movies, tops, and then they’ll fall asleep and we can _go upstairs_.” He waggled his eyebrows for good measure. Billy took some calming breaths before shoving a finger in Steve’s face.

“You fucking owe me, Harrington,” he hissed. Max shoved by him and he counted to 10.

\--

When all of the kids had finally, _finally_ fallen asleep, Steve led Billy up to his room. When they got to the top of the stairs, Billy crowded him against the wall, kissing him roughly. Steve smiled into his mouth.

“Patience is a virtue, you know,” he teased. Billy just nipped his ear and blew cool air on it, making Steve shiver. “Ugh, fuck.”

“I’m trying,” Billy said with a smile. He pulled back enough for Steve to get them to his room, shoving Billy onto the bed. Billy propped himself on his elbows, watching Steve. He stood above him, eyes hungry, and Billy bucked his hips, licking his bottom lip. Steve scrambled on top of him, kissing along his jaw and down to his chest. Billy loved wearing his shirts open. Steve’s tongue flicked over his nipple and it made Billy’s breath catch. He arched his chest up, unable to stop himself, and Steve swirled his tongue around in the fucking _best_ way. Billy clenched a fist into the sheets, biting his lip to stifle a moan. Steve kissed his way down to Billy’s belt, deftly undoing his pants. He shifted his hips up so Steve could work his jeans down while Steve pressed open mouth kisses to his dick through his boxers. “F-Fuck, Harrington.

“I’m trying,” he replied, smirking. Billy gently whacked the side of his head, hating how cute that stupid little smirk was. In retaliation, Steve tongued the head of his dick through his boxers before quickly pulling them down and sucking on the head. Billy threw his head back, letting out a small gasp.

For someone who had never sucked one before, Steve had taken to sucking dick like a goddamn pro. He knew when to lick, when to suck, just how much teeth was tantalizing. Plus, his lips were made for sucking dick. Of course, so were Billy’s. He knew that, and prided himself on his ability to reduce Steve to repeated whimpers of his name, thrilling in the way his toes curled in pleasure. When he was getting close, he pulled on Steve’s hair, tugging him until he got the hint and moved up. Billy reached down, shoving his hand into Steve’s pants, and began stroking him with as much finesse as he could at such an awkward angle. Steve panted into his mouth and Billy grinned, biting his lip before kissing him roughly. Steve jerked him off in turn, before tilting his head back, obviously close. Billy leaned up and sucked on his collar bone, biting lightly. Steve let out a shuddery gasp.

“Billy,” he whined. Billy sucked again, hard, and Steve let out a stifled moan before cumming all over Billy’s hand, as well as in his sweats. The feel of it and the knowledge that it was _him_, that _he_ did this, was enough to send him over the edge as well. They lay there a moment before Steve grumbled. “Fuck, I came in my goddamn pants.” Billy snickered and wiped his hand on the back of Steve’s sweats, making him twist his face in disgust. “Gross, dude.”

“What? They’re already dirty.” Steve rolled his eyes before getting off of Billy, who sat up and fumbled for some tissues. Steve switched pants and by the time Billy had cleaned up, tucked his dick back in his boxers, and shucked off his jeans, Steve had settled on the bed next to him. Billy didn’t like to admit it, but he loved being the little spoon. He’d been so embarrassed the night he had told Steve, that he had left after admitting it. After that though, Steve had only asked to be the little spoon when he needed it. When memories of demodogs and the tunnels were too much.

“C’Mere,” Steve mumbled, obviously ready to fall asleep. Billy backed up until Steve could pull him close, wrapping an arm around his waist and intertwining their fingers. He kissed the back of Billy’s neck, gently, sweetly, and Billy thrilled under the tenderness of the gesture. He fell asleep with a smile on his lips.

>--

Steve was always the first up. He didn’t really sleep well. Often, Billy would wake up with Steve whimpering next to him, tossing and turning with his face contorted in fear or pain. Billy would soothe him until he calmed down or woke up. It was all very domestic, and it scared the fuck out of him. Sometimes it scared him so much he would avoid Steve after a particularly vulnerable moment. He wasn’t proud of himself for doing that, and he hadn’t done it in a while, but his father was a mean fucker who had done what he could to make Billy turn out the same way. Billy exhaled sharply through his nose and closed his eyes against the morning sun. He didn’t need to be thinking about that right now.

So he tossed on some of Steve’s sweats, not bothering with a shirt because _why_, and went downstairs. The smell of coffee wafted up the stairs, but the house was quiet. The kids were probably still zonked out from their long night and sugar highs. Billy yawned and scratched at his belly as he walked into the kitchen. Steve was leaning on the counter, looking out the window. He was wearing a Wham! t-shirt and Billy hated that it looked good on him. The edge of the hickey he had left on his collar bone poked out, not too much, and Billy reminded himself to stop being so careless about where he sucked on Harrington’s skin. Steve looked at him when he entered, smiling gently.

“Coffee’s ready if you want to put any in your cup of cream and sugar.” Billy rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know how you drink it fucking black, Harrington. It’s fucking disgusting.” Billy made a face, dumping sugar and cream into the cup Steve had poured for him. He leaned next to him, sipping on his coffee. The silence was comfortable and not unwelcome. The kids would be loud when they woke up, which would most likely be somewhat soon, and he relished the silence while he had it. When he looked up, Steve was still looking out the window, lost in thought. Billy wanted to kiss him. So he did. He leaned over, reaching out to turn Steve’s face towards his, and kissed him tenderly. His hand was shaking. This was almost too honest, too close to revealing just how much Billy thought about Steve, holding him, being with him. Steve sighed into the kiss and Billy moved in front of him, placing his hands on Steve’s hips. Steve cupped the back of Billy’s neck, gently dragging his fingers along the nape. Billy kissed him a little harder.

“WHAT the _FUCK_?” Came a screech from the doorway. Billy shot back, stumbling and hitting the wall with a thud. He snapped his head to the side and there was Dustin. Who looked like his world had just done a full 180 and maybe kicked him in the balls a few times. It would be funny if Billy didn’t feel like his heart was about to fucking explode. He didn’t spare a moment and high tailed it out the door. He had gotten to the camaro before remembering he wasn’t wearing his pants, which meant he didn’t have his keys. He groaned and rested his forehead on the top of the car. _Fuck_. He did not want to go back inside. Maybe he could break in and hotwire his car, just take the beating from his dad for it. He felt tears pricking at the corner of his eyes and he slammed his fist on the top of the car. Fuck his life, fuck these kids, and _fuck_ Hawkins, Indi-fucking-ana.

\--

“Dustin!” Steve shouted. The fucking kids wouldn’t shut up except for the moments when he needed hear them coming. Billy had bolted which, well, it fucking hurt, but he also understood why. Dustin was gripping his head, staring at Steve with pure horror.

“What the _FUCK_! Steve! What the fuck!” Dustin’s yelling attracted more of the group. El, Max, and Will wandered in, rubbing at their eyes.

“Oh my god, shut up,” Max grumbled. “There’s not even anything happening.”

“Not anymore,” Dustin began, “But Steve and Billy--”

“Dustin!” Steve snapped, making a chopping motion across his neck.

“Steve and Billy what?” Mike said, yawning as he and Lucas finally joined, and wasn’t that swell. The whole group was here. Fuck his life.

“They were _kissing_!” Dustin exclaimed. Everyone stopped and Steve held his head in his hands, wondering if he could just die right here. He’d welcome it. Max snorted.

“You’re lying,” she said. “You’re lucky Billy isn’t here or he’d fucking deck you for that. He’s done it before.” El was watching Steve, looking slightly amused, but also worried. She knew, because, _powers_, but Steve was never sure just how much. He was glad she at least seemed to be on his side. Not that there were sides, but he knew Billy wasn’t the Party’s favorite, so he had essentially committed treason.

“I am not!” Dustin protested. “They were fucking kissing against the counter! I have to bleach my eyes!” Will shrank back a little and Dustin held up his hands. “Not because they’re guys! Because it’s Billy!” He made a face and then turned it to Steve. “Really?”

“Why?” Mike and Lucas asked simultaneously. They high fived without looking and Steve just really, _really_ fucking hated his life. He rubbed his temples.

“Because I like him?” He said. Which shocked the kids into a moment of silence before they all started talking over each other.

“WHAT?!”

“Ugh, why!”

“No _fucking_ way!!”

“That makes him punching you yesterday even worse!”

“Oh my god!” Steve said, throwing up his hands. “He didn’t fucking hit me! It’s a hickey!” And fuck did he wish he hadn’t said that. There was a collective noise of disgust from the group and Steve really didn’t have time for this. Billy hadn’t come back in, but he also hadn’t heard the camaro start. “Listen,” he said before anyone could start talking again, “I need all of you to take a collective chill pill, go back into the living room, and fucking _shut up_.” Dustin looked ready to protest, but Steve cut him off. “Dude, I have never been so serious in my entire life. I seriously need all of you to _get lost_.” Will tugged Dustin away. He sent a worried look over his shoulder as he pushed, and Steve gave him a weak smile. El headed back, her big eyes on Steve until the moment the wall got in the way, and Mike followed her, eyes wide and confused. Lucas waited on Max, but she was biting her lip and looking scared. She shooed him away, muttering something to him Steve couldn’t hear, before coming up to him.

“Like, really?” She whispered. “He… Really?”

“I really should not be talking to you about this,” he sighed. “I really, really don’t want to be either.”

“It--” She cut herself off, biting the flesh around her thumb nervously. “I mean-- Is he--?” She bit her lip, struggling to find the words.

“It’s… complicated.” Steve thought he knew what she was trying to get at. He and Billy had talked about Billy’s father, though only a little, and if Max lived under the same roof, she probably knew that Billy was freaking out. Maybe. His thoughts were cut off by the sound of the front door opening and closing. He scurried out of the kitchen, catching a glimpse of Billy going up the stairs. He followed.

When he got to his room, Billy was tugging on his jeans. He didn’t look up to meet Steve’s eye, which was slightly concerning.

“You know they won’t say anything.” Billy paused, still not looking at him, before continuing to get dressed. “They’re gonna freak out if we don’t talk to them about this.” Billy still didn’t say anything, just shoved his jacket on, every movement tense and controlled. “Billy--”

“I don’t really give a fuck, princess,” he snapped. Steve blinked. He hadn’t been that aggressive for a long ass time.

“O-kay,” he replied, drawing out the ‘O’. “I get you’re freaking out, but--”

“I’m not freaking out.”

“Yeah, and I don’t use hairspray.” Steve was proud of the bland look he shot Billy, but it faltered under the dark glare Billy shot back. “Dude,” he stepped forward, “I know we agreed not to talk about, uhm, us, and I know you didn’t want the kids knowing but,” he sighed, “The cat is out of the bag and there’s no way it’s getting back in.” Billy clenched his jaw, making a muscle twitch, and Steve sighed, again, running a hand through his hair. “If-If this is too much, I get if you wanna just walk away, but--”

“Yeah,” Billy said, cutting him off. “It is.” He shoved by Steve, who was too shocked to move. He didn’t unfreeze until he heard the door slam and the camaro start up. It roared away and Steve was left with an empty feeling in his chest and six kids waiting for an explanation he didn’t have.

\--

“Where is he?” Dustin moaned, bouncing his leg up and down nervously. Max glared.

“They’re talking upstairs. Steve followed Billy after he came back inside.” She crossed her arms, angry and concerned.

“This is so weird,” Mike said, getting a glare from Max. “What? It is!”

“You gotta admit you didn’t see it coming,” Lucas added, shrugging when Max turned her glare on him. She deflated a little, chewing on the inside of her lip.

“I guess I didn’t. Not really. But,” she paused, deciding whether or not she wanted to air out Billy’s dirty laundry while he was already pissed. “It’s not as shocking to me as it is to you, that’s all.” Will nodded. El crossed her arms, pouting.

“Mean,” she said, glaring at Dustin. He gestured confusedly.

“Me?”

“He’s hurting,” was her only explanation. Dustin scoffed, but looked a little abashed. The front door slammed, making the kids jump, and the sound of the camaro revving and peeling out echoed outside. Max jumped up, running to the window.

“What the fuck! He was supposed to take me home!”

“Steve will give you ride,” Lucas said, coming up behind her. “You probably don’t wanna ride with that asshole right now anyway.” She huffed and plopped back onto the couch. They sat in silence for a while, no one knowing what to say, until Dustin shifted uncomfortably.

“Steve hasn’t come back down. Do you think--”

“If you suggest that my brother killed him, I’ll kill you, Dustin, I swear to fucking god.” Max held out her fist, making sure he knew it wasn’t an empty threat. He held up his hands in surrender.

“Sorry, sorry! He just doesn’t have the best, you know, history when it comes to handling anger.”

“Neither do I,” she bit out in response. Will stood up, motioning to El to join him.

“We’ll go check,” he said quietly. No one objected.

Steve was sitting on his bed, head in his hands, when he heard the door creak behind him. He wiped away the snot and tears, only turning around when he felt partially collected. El and Will were in his doorway, Will looking nervously at the floor. El came over and sat gently on the bed next to him. Will eventually sat on his other side. As grateful as Steve was, it was fucking sad that the only people here to comfort him were 13 year olds.

“Are you guys ok?” Will asked quietly. Steve shrugged and shook his head.

“I have no idea. We’re not,” he let out a shuddery breath, “We’re not a _thing_ anymore I guess?” El frowned.

“He likes you,” she said fiercely. Steve smiled sadly.

“That doesn’t always mean anything.” He felt like shit. Billy had walked out and now he was being a sad sack in front of Will. Who only just came out-- Fuck. He groaned and leaned forward, resting his head between his knees.

“It means something,” Will said, voice so sincere that Steve felt his heart clench. He sat up then, taking a deep breath.

“Okay.” He shook his head, trying to clear it. El still looked upset.

“Not okay,” she said. He shook his head, smiling without feeling.

“Okay enough for now.” She didn’t look convinced. Steve braced himself, closing his eyes for a moment, before standing up. “Let’s go.” Will and El shared a worried look, but followed Steve downstairs.

“Steve!” Dustin stood up. He looked scared. “I’m sorry! Just like! What the fuck!” He winced at his own words and Steve would have found it funny if it wasn’t for the Billy shaped hole in his chest. And fuck, that was cheesy. How pathetic. He shook his head.

“It’s complicated. But, uh, whatever it is, well, was, is over, so.” He pursed his lips, trying to think of something more to say, but nothing would come.

“Wait, wait, what?” Max said, sitting up. “Over?”

“I mean, I assume you heard him leave?” Steve said. “He, well, we had a kind of silent agreement to not talk about it? And this kinda made that inevitable, so he left.” Dustin pursed his lips angrily, but his face quickly fell.

“I-I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t like him, but obviously you do.” He rubbed his arm uncomfortably. “I was just shocked I-I didn’t mean to--”

“It was bound to happen,” Steve said with a sigh. “We didn’t even label it a relationship, not really. I shouldn’t be so surprised,” he said, laughing hollowly. El took his hand. Max had a frown on her face.

“He’s so dumb,” she snapped. “We’re not like Neil.” She looked down after she said it, looking mad and scared for having voiced it outloud. Everyone but El and Steve looked at her curiously. She looked down, crossing her arms.

“Neil?” Will asked.

“Isn’t that your dad?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “He doesn’t-- He’s--”

“Let’s just say he wouldn’t take the news of a gay son as well as you guys took Will’s news.” Steve was so tired. So fucking tired. El squeezed his hand and he wondered how these kids were so much more emotionally intelligent than he was. Than a lot of the people he knew were.

“Oh,” Dustin said quietly. He curled in on himself a little more. “I’m really sorry,” he whispered. Steve went over and wrapped an arm around him.

“It’s not your fault. I won’t say you helped, but it’s not your fault, okay?” Dustin nodded, but didn’t really look comforted. Steve stood and licked his lips. “What do you guys think about going to Casa Wheeler or Byers?”

Steve took them to Will’s, even though it was smaller, since Johnathan and Nancy were there and could watch over them. Not like they couldn’t be trusted on their own, but they couldn’t be trusted on their own. They crammed into the beemer and the drive was quiet, save for the Blondie tape Will had put in. Steve tapped along to the music, trying not to zone out too badly. The kids had forced him to get out so they could hug him and, once again, he appreciated it, but felt like such a fucking loser. Johnathan and Nancy came out, waving to him. Nancy frowned and came off the porch, walking over to put a hand on his shoulder.

“Steve?” She looked into his eyes. He couldn’t look back.

“It’s nothing really. Can you guys maybe get people home?” She looked like she wanted to press, but she nodded once, lips pursed tightly, before letting him run away.

\--

Billy had gotten home and was greeted with a fist. He didn’t have Max with him and had talked back to his father about it, earning him a twisted sneer and angry fists that felt better than the look on Steve’s face when he had left. Neil finally stopped, tired of punching he guessed, and left him on the sofa in the living room. Susan was out, shopping or something, and Billy screwed up his face in sadness and fury. Hot tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and he bit his tongue, drawing blood. He sat up, blood in his mouth and on his shirt, and he slowly went upstairs. He treated the cuts his dad’s rings left, hissing slightly when the disinfectant burned. After, he curled up on his bed, feeling sad and small.

Steve. Steve had looked so shocked, so fucking sad, and Billy was a fucking coward. Steve had fought monsters, real fucking monsters, and Billy just ran and gave into his rage. He punched his pillow, gritting his teeth. He lay there, coiled tightly, and eventually fell asleep.

When he awoke, it was to a knock on his door. His dad pounded, or just came in, so it must be Max or Susan.

“Go away,” he called. The knocking continued. “Go the fuck away!” He yelled. The knocking became more insistent, so Billy stood and stomped over, yanking the door open. “What?!” He snarled. Max looked up at him, unimpressed. Her arms were crossed and despite being smaller, she was looking down her nose at him. It made his skin prickle with anger.

“We need to talk.” She entered his room, throwing him off balance. He turned, glaring.

“No, we don’t. Now get out of my room.”

“Fat chance,” she snapped. Then her face softened and it made his hands clammy. “Close your door.” He raised a brow. She rolled her eyes. “Unless you want Neil to hear?” He shut the door quickly. He crossed his arms and tried to look imposing.

“Make it quick.”

“You shouldn’t have left this morning.” He felt his stomach clench and he looked away.

“It’s for the best.”

“Bull shit,” she snapped, so ferociously that Billy’s eyes widened. “It’s the _safest_.” Billy swallowed.

“Best and safest are the same,” he grunted. She huffed.

“Why are you being so difficult.” He balked.

“Why-- Why am I being so difficult?” He asked, voice tense. “Maybe because if _he_ knows, I’m as good as dead. Maybe because he’ll also go after Steve. Maybe because I’m fucking scared of how much I want to be with him.” He hissed. He flushed, looking away from her.

“You really like him, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question. He nodded. “Do you love him?” He tensed up, but that was probably answer enough. “I know we don’t do feelings,” she said, making a face, “But I’m telling you, Steve was fucking wrecked after you left. He was hiding it well, but Will looked so worried when he and El came back down.” She shook her head, standing. He moved out of her way as she opened the door. “Just… Think about it. And maybe just fucking talk.” She raised her eyebrows in a pointed gesture and disappeared down the hall and into her bedroom. He shut the door after her, leaning his forehead against the wood.

“Fuck,” he said, with feeling.

\--

Steve’s parents had come home, ignored him after their obligatory questions of how he’d been and _What are your plans for after graduation?_ and _Not going to college isn’t an option_. The last one wasn’t a question. More so the statement his father had been making to him since he had been broken up with, _the first time_ he reminded himself unhappily, and had kind of lost his direction. He couldn’t tell him that Billy had given him direction. That he had been kind of planning on following Billy, the smarter of the two of them, the one who would actually get into college. That those plans were not as set as he had been hoping they’d be.

He ran a hand down his face, groaning. He was spread eagle on his bed, lights on for the first time in a while. But he also didn’t have Billy sneaking in and cuddling up to him. They’d been doing that for a few weeks now and he hadn’t realized how much it helped him sleep. How much he needed someone firm and present to hold onto. He turned over roughly, curling in on himself. Ran a finger over the light marks on his upper arm. He’d promised Billy, once they had started doing whatever it was they were doing, that he’d stop. But now….

Steve sighed and closed his eyes. Bit on the inside of his cheek instead. Ignored the branches tapping against the window. Except they wouldn’t stop. He turned enough so he could see the window, heart beating faster. If it wasn’t branches was it--

It was pebbles. Little pebbles hitting his window. When he had gotten over and opened it, one flew in and smacked his chin. He spluttered a little and looked down. His breath caught in his throat.

Billy stood there, hunched over, hands in his pockets, his face littered with bruises and cuts. He kept looking up at Steve before shifting his eyes away, like he was ashamed. Steve swallowed.

“Dude,” he rasped, “What the fuck?” He winced. That wasn’t what he had meant to say. He thought he saw Billy smirk, but it was gone as quickly as it had come, so maybe he had imagined it.

“Can I,” Billy asked, pausing to bite his lip, “Can I come up?” He hadn’t asked permission to come up in a while. Steve nodded, stepping back from the window. Billy climbed the tree with ease, climbing in through the window with a little less. He didn’t stumble, he never did, but he did look out of his comfort zone. Steve could see the tension in his shoulders and back, the way he was coiled tight like a spring about to burst. Neither of them said anything. Steve coughed a little and tilted his head towards his bed. He regretted it when he saw panic in Billy’s eyes. But instead of backing away, he appeared to swallow it down and sat on the edge of the bed. Steve licked his lips, thrilling at the way Billy watched him, but also hating how much he _wanted_ Billy to just fucking notice him.

“So--” Steve started.

“I’m...sorry.” Steve’s eyebrows shot up. Billy wasn’t one to apologize. Not really. His hands were in tight fists, knuckles white. “What I… What I said earlier. Or, well, didn’t say. I’m sorry.” Steve sighed and sat next to him.

“It’s-- I get it. We don’t--” He fumbled over his words, not sure what to say, really. “You didn’t need to say it. I got the message. So.” Billy grit his teeth, clenching his eyes shut.

“No,” he bit out. “I don’t-- “ He took a deep breath and Steve looked down, noticing that there was blood trickling out of his fist.

“Billy! Fuck!” He hissed, prying Billy’s hands open. There were crescent shaped cuts in his palms from clenching his fists so tightly. “Come on,” he ordered, pulling Billy into the bathroom while he was still shocked. He grabbed the disinfectant and poured it on Billy’s hands. He hissed and tried to jerk his hands back, but Steve held firm, brow furrowed in concentration. He put the bottle away and got some gauze.

“You don’t need to,” Billy murmured. Steve gave him a bland look.

“You do god knows what with these hands, Billy. I’m preventing infection.” Billy’s mouth quirked in a small smirk and Steve felt something in his chest loosen. Some nerves he hadn’t been aware of making themselves scarce.

“Always looking out for me, Harrington,” Billy said. Steve bit his lips to stop himself from doing stupid like saying _It’s because I think maybe I might love you a little bit? Or a lot a bit?_ Billy was quiet, watching him wrap his hands, before letting out a sharp exhale from his nose.

“I want to talk about it,” he said, the words pulled out of him almost unwillingly. “About us.” Steve’s blood ran cold and he dropped Billy’s hands. Billy’s eyes widened and he grabbed Steve by the forearms. “No! No. Not like that. I mean, actually defining what we are.” He looked away, blocking out the shame his father had beat into him. He looked at Steve, beautiful Steve, at how shocked but hopeful and happy he looked, and it felt a little easier.

“What?” Steve breathed out. “Like, like boyfriends?” He whispered the word, still slightly scared just the sound would make Billy run. Billy swallowed and nodded.

“Yeah. Like boyfriends.” He licked his lips and Steve’s pupils dilated. He surged forward, capturing Billy’s face in his hands and kissing him hard. Billy groaned softly and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist, pulling him closer. Steve was smiling so much he had to stop and pull back. Billy snorted and kissed at Steve’s neck, making him gasp quietly.

“I was so scared you were gonna--”

“I-I was,” he choked out, making Steve freeze. He held fast, so he wouldn’t move. “But Max talked to me and I realized that it was a real pussy move to let my dad get in the way of what makes me happy.” Steve let out a bark of laughter that he quickly stifled.

“Dude! You can’t just say shit like that! My parents are home! Didn’t you see their fucking car?” Steve giggled, but didn’t try to move. “You’re sure?”

“Positive, sweetheart,” Billy drawled, smirking at the pretty way Steve blushed. “It’s part of why I ran because I-- I realized that I started really hoping, really wanting to have a life. You know. With you.” He breathed harshly for a moment, biting his bottom lip. “It scared the shit out of me.”

“I know what you mean,” Steve murmured. “I couldn’t sleep without you last night. You ground me so fucking much and I almost-- I didn’t. I _didn’t_,” he repeated when Billy stiffened. “But it was so fucking weird and scary to just need another person so much.” He felt exposed and was very, very glad that Billy’s face was still pressed against his neck. But then Billy pulled back, cupping Steve’s cheek, and kissed him tenderly. With feeling.

“We can,” he sighed, “I can’t believe I’m fucking saying this-- We can talk to the kids about it whenever. They know anyway.” Steve snorted.

“Yeah. They’re gonna be weird about it.”

“No, really? Them? Weird?”

“Fuck you, dickwad.”

“Blow me,” Billy taunted, baring his teeth. Steve smirked.

>--

“I told Steve I was sorry and while you still freak me out, I’m sorry. I was just like, you know, shocked.” Billy regretted ever agreeing to talk to the kids. Mike and Lucas would not look at him, but Mike kept shooting Steve these confused glances. He imagined that Mike had sent those looks to Nancy when she was dating Steve. Dustin would not stop apologizing. “Seriously. Like. I have no words.”

“Yeah, no, you have too many, Jesus Christ,” Billy grumbled. “It’ll stop being fine if you don’t stop fucking apologizing!” Dustin’s mouth snapped shut and he shot Steve a look that said _See?! See what I mean?!_ Steve rolled his eyes.

“Seriously. It’s okay. We sorted things out.” He was sitting next to Billy, leaning against him. Nothing big, just pressing his back along Billy’s side in a way he wouldn’t have before. Billy smiled softly, covering it up with a hand.

“Good,” Dustin said. “Because I’m fucking _scarred for life_.” Billy laughed then. Loud and obnoxious. Dustin looked offended, but El was giggling and Will was blushing and no one was angry or hurting and it was so perfect. It was so perfect, that Billy let himself hope. Let himself hope for a future with a different family. A family that somehow included his brat stepsister and her nerdy friends, along with a girl with superpowers. He locked eyes with Dustin before kissing the side of Steve’s face, loud and wet. Dustin let out a disgusted groan, saying something like _It’s like watching my brother! Mike, stop laughing!_ But he couldn’t be bothered to care. He saw Steve smiling and that was all that mattered to him.


End file.
